Sunday, July 28, 2013

The boy who waited and the last centurion.

I've been meaning to post a blog for a really long time. I have many drafts but none have made it on to cyber space. Well this one is going to make the cut. It's about this beautiful story of the boy who waited. 

It starts with Little Mr. I know, this sounds like those stories where someone realizes that they lost something they had and they need to redeem themselves in the name of love. This is not the case. But, if it wasn't for Little Mr. I would have never met the boy who waited.

 I refer to him as the boy who waited for two reasons. One, his "Doctor Who" obsession. Which I find endearing. Two, the fact that I did like him then, but I'm not the guy who will ever cheat. So I feel like we carried on with life and waited to reunite. This man has blown many guys from my past out of the water. Although I will not go into details of our past life, I will explain that what ever did happen made the present situation worth all the tribulation and growth we each encountered. 

It was almost 4 years since I saw him last. That part of my life was a whirl wind of different people and many changes

I look forward to developing our reunion.. 

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Safety in numbers?

It has come to my attention that std's have hit the Los Angeles area. Based on that I hope that some people benefit from my post.

The unexpected infection of a number of stds is something I have yet to experience. I give thanks to the fact that I have had a low number of partners and I've tried to be safe, when I am sexually active. But does that matter when people aren't being honest?

In spite of not having intimate relations with many people, I figured I have to man up and get tested. I am part  of the lgbt community, which helped me venture into their testing center. A beautiful building with rainbow flags. At the site I saw many beautiful men, the hottest one by my side. Yes! "Epik" came along.

Although it seems at fist glance that its too soon to get tested together, it had actually made me trust him a bit more. To be honest and open about something this personal is eye opening.

The test are scary, when you don't know what they are going to do. Trust that once the ball gets rolling you feel much better. In all honesty, its better to find out you have something and take care of it, than to never know and make your situation difficult.

For all those guys out there who choose to say their partners are loyal and decide to go bareback, please don't. I would be a hypocrite to say I havnt tried it myself. Just know that when you feel like something is going on with your partner outside of your relationahip, strap up or make him strap up before getting intimate.

You can have many partners or just one, STDs never discriminate. Be honest boys have fun, but try not to slip up and get caught up on getting or giving someone something they would not enjoy.

Until the next post! Be safe boys...

Thursday, January 26, 2012


Spending a great deal of time outside what has grown to be a comfort zone, has opened my eyes to a side of myself long locked away. Music use to move me in a way that I only understood when painting. These past couple of years have been the biggest cultural desert with my passion and creativity.

After my move to LB, I began to change my likes and styles to fit "seniorito."  Clearly, I am not blaming the lug for my decisions in changing myself to fit the gay norm.  Truthfully, I am noticing that I am in a position that makes me appear to be a cookie cutter gay.

The cookie cutter gay is, a club going kid that spends any available time dancing at clubs, promoting his homosexuality to the world, and spends a majority of there time consuming alcohol.

The club scene is like a leech that sucks away your money and talent. The reason I say this is because I noticed the lack of creativity and money I was generating based on the amount of time out and about at these venues.

This leads me to the topic of gay music. I have learned that there is club music and gay music. I've managed to get my playlist to be a majority of club songs. Gay music consists of the artist being homosexual.

On a more personal note, I have been spending time with a handsome man that has brought an awareness of how I viewed music and sexuality in the past. This breath of fresh air will be known by two names. "Epik," a personal nickname that I hope remains a thought in my mind while getting to know him. The other is my personal choice based on what I know of him so far, "Cadet."

The young "Epik" was the one who pushed these thoughts in my mind recently. Why do I define myself based on my sexuality? I am a gay man, but why should I walk around with a gay flag tattooed to my forehead? Meaning why have I stopped listening to music I love and know by heart based on what gay culture deems adequate?

I've chosen to find the music I once loved and begin from there. I use to be the type of person that love meaningful lyrics over fast beats.  Alternative rock fit my love for life and the search for my true love. It incorporated itself into my being. Painting came easily and was motivated by my music.

As for being myself I noticed I am a great guy with Passion in life and  goals to meet. The fact that I'm openly gay is something I'm proud of, but, do I need to parade it around to the world? Must I enjoy spending more time with females? I've managed to learn that even the most masculine guys out there can enjoy gay sex. It's my vow to be the best man I could be regardless of the fact I happen to be gay.

One thing I have learned is, in order to be a great example of a modern gay man, I must first become my own great man. This leads me to look forward to this "Epik" adventure I'm about to Embarq on.

My love for the music that helped me flourish as a painter and man can be summed up in songs like "wonderwall." This Oasis song made me really thank "epik" for truly being that breath of fresh air. ;$

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Bridesmaid or Grooms-men?

Hurling towards the due date of my brother and his fiance's wedding I am stuck in a tough spot. To be a grooms-man or a bridesmaid?

As a gay man, I have found it easy to glide through the worlds of both the masculine and feminine.

Last time, I covered this topic in a sexual manner. How does it function in the actual social world? More interested in attending the bachloret party, I want to make sure my bro gets a kick ass bachlor party.

Questions I've arrived to are; how do I find the way to re-connect with my heterosexual side? How do I make this plan a success? And, have I gone too far into the gay world that I have lost the ability to pull off a straight man look?

Besides my desire to be seen as a gay straight man, it is more obvious, now then ever, that I am just gay.  Growing up I could not play the sports I wanted and could not be comfortable enough to be out of the closet. How can I change my norms to leave me at peace with my masculine side?

These past couple of years I have tried playing soccer with friends, tennis with close people and baseball with family. The facts are, I am physically capable of playing these sports. I am able to learn things quickly. But not until recently have I felt comfortable enough to do something about it.

I've picked up running and still dabble with other activities. Truth is, I find running to clear my mind and gives me strength to push on.

I'm starting to realize that, I am only a part of what's around me. The fact that I am gay is part of me not all of me. People love me because of all that I am.

As of now, I see myself pulling off both my rolls as a masculine guy and feminine gay. It seems the middle ground is most straight women's desire. I guess that is why I get the regular question...

"why can't you be straight?"

Jokes on you ladies, hope the guy I am talking to wants me as much as straight chicks. Till next time. I hope to answer more of my own questions, instead of just having a stream of thoughts.


Send me topics to cover. I would love to share them on my blog.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Having the balls to say what I like.

I've been dealing with the issue of sexual identity this week. To be specific people confuse me for a bottom. I like my clothes and my shoes, why does that automatically state I like it up the ass?

Starting this week I began to question what kind of man I am looking for. It might be picky of me but, I want someone who can be one of the boys with me, but enjoys the sexual pleasures of my bottom gay boys out there.

Sexual identity should not be a requirement on these site to meet people or hook up. I know its fast and convenient, but where does the mystery of getting to know someone go? You find yourself knowing a guys cock size and sexual position preference by scrolling down the page of their profiles.

The fact is that unless you meet a guy at a bar or club its really hard not to just join sites like a4a, or grindr. Here sex and meeting the cute guy down the street comes straight to your smart phone.

We are part of a new generation where sexual compatibility is established on date one. We take all emotion and Passion out of love making and force this minimal fantasy of getting off with someone because they have a sexy six-pack.

I've met someone this past week where it seems like we are compatible. The bull has been set aside and we are communicating fluent gay English. What we want and why we want it.

It's been established that just because I like my clothes and shoes I can still put it down to make this manliest of men feel the urge to bottom for me.

Are my prayers answered? Time will only tell. Looking forward to the future and this adventure.

Ps. I am not afraid to say as a gay man one does get the urge to be topped as well. Just not as often as my bottom bros out there.

Monday, December 12, 2011

Background and reasons

For the first time in my life I have the courage to share my thoughts on my gay adventures in this city.

But first, I felt the need to share a little about myself.

Planning on falling in love with the "one" has been the mission since I was 8 years old. This was silenced by the fact that I grew up in a "Christian" home. Suppressing this amazing feelings for 21 years of my life had me believe that loneliness came to all gay men.

Dating was a thought only after I came out of the closet. Friends and family had no idea I was gay, it took about 6 months to surpass the curiosity stage everyone thought I was living.

Spending time with some candidates in the love arena, I came to grow fond of "Mr." Known as a college student by day, a flirt by night. I experienced a lot of my firsts with him. Clubbing, drinking etc... (Not what you think.)

Learning a few things from "Mr." I decided that friendship was the way to end that love ache.

Filtering the "Mr.s" out of my dating life opened the door for "glee", a fellow college student and lover of musicals. Someone I never saw a future with but his humor and kindness out shined everything else.

I soon had my fun with both "Mr." And "glee". But was quickly swept away by the young strong and witty "Senorito."

I lived a year and a half of bliss with this witty man. Losing my v-card, and experiencing other firsts I never thought would happen. Leading to a discovery where I quickly learned he was a boy pretending to be a man.

After having my heart broken by "Senorito", Spanish for little mister, I decided to hold off on men until I knew I was over this world wind of a man. The problem with that thought is that I never know when that time has actually arrived.

The past year I've had two "relationships" and a couple (or more) hook-ups.

This chapter starts with 3 hook-up over the summer and finally dating again after my birthday.

Working at a school I met a fellow gay man we will call "teacher". Not the typical attraction I would have but his personality had me interested.  3 months of dates and foreplay lead to an inevitable break up among two vers tops.

Leading me to "cha cha" a dancer with a weird weight issue. Although I see many gay men starve themselves to look thin. He was thin starving himself to get even thinner. Leading to an "episode", where I decided not to allow myself to fall into another dependant relationship.

The past 8 months I have enjoyed being single but only slept with one man. A Vegas trip where I surprised myself and went home with a military man. The "soldier" was a fit and sexy man that I assumed was going to try to top. But low and behold I turned the tables yet again and had my way. Best sex ever! At least till the present day.

Thus, this blog is born. Along with my first born nephew.  I find myself looking to a great future full of men, friends, and family.

Out of all of this, I hope you can see that 8 year old boy trying to find that romantic ending to his little gay world.